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Heartache and endless tears

it’s hard being in a relationship that wont last. 
knowing that all odds are against it, everyone in his family doesn’t approve, and he even admits that he’s leaning towards a future that doesn’t include me in it.
am i stupid for being with someone who knows they wont be with me…
that its inevitable…its the truth and i guess hearing it really makes it more real and hurt ful…its going to happen…and with every day it will become harder and more painful…
accepting the fact that we will eventually end makes it very hard to even give all of myself to him…because whats the point when it will end in heartache.
the main thing i guess is i have to learn how to let go and move on.
its easier for him, he’s been in many relationships and this is my first serious one.
every time the thought of breaking up is brought up i get a tight overwhelming feeling in my chest and all the tears start coming.
it hurts knowing you’re not good enough, or the right one, or that something you’ve had so long will inevitably be gone and over.
doesn’t everyone want to be good enough, to be worth holding onto, to have some one not leave, to want to stay, to stay because of you.
but thats too much to ask, especially someone who is unsure of the relationship as a whole and confused on where we stand..
yes he could be leaving for med school next year, and yeah the time spent together would decrease, but does that mean to end it and break up. that there wont be any time for one another…that the relationship isnt strong enough to withstand the distance…
he said he had tried long distance before and it didnt work, but can you compare that…
then again i guess hes right, i guess this relationship isnt strong enough to hold up with the tough brutalness to come with medical school…
I have to be able move on…moving on and letting go of what cannot be…
Its hard but i’ll have to let him go, i can barely be with him now knowing where its ending, yet we are happy NOW and i guess it just really kills me that it will all soon be over and fade into memories…
it feels like my heart is constantly being beaten and when that day comes there will be none left to feel the final heartache.
i wish i didnt put myself threw this everytime the thought or topic of breaking up is brought up because it feels like i feel it all the same at the highest intensity. i guess i feel like each time i go through it it will lessen the final blow, but im only fooling myself. the last goodbye will surely be just as heartbreaking as each of these have been…
we dont know what the future holds, with all its uncertainty and confusion, but i just want a guy who knows it holds me, and for that to be good enough.
 im trying to love him less and less and un attach myself, but being with him makes me want it not to end, to freeze and him forget about the inevitable…but thats naive and not gonna happen. He has committed himself to to career and with the short end of the straw my heart has committed itself to him. We both know this is going to end and yet that small 1% chance that maybe i will be enough, tries to push through, but i love him, and it’s not enough.
“It’s easy to form an attachment to people and things. When you’ve formed an attachment to people and things, it can be a very painful experience and feeling when you realized that it’s time to let go. Even the mere thought of not having that person or thing in your life just squeezes your heart in pain.”
“Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down.Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave.It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment.It means we stop trying to do the impossible—controlling that which we cannot—and instead, focus on what is possible—which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love, as much as possible.”
no matter how much my heart is going to break, I’ve got to let him go so he can know just how much I love him. Maybe if I’m lucky, he’ll come back, but if not, I can make it through this.

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